Today's Top Twitter Comments

frankschultelad: I'm feeling suicidal. Maybe I should've accepted that invitation to go hunting with Dick Cheney.

b0wenarrow: Your like the itch that wont scratch... But guess who got a new cactus.


aloria: developing a mathematical model of the increase in fecal odor over time in a pure coprophagous diet. proceed in telling me how weird i am.


michaelpasaoa: can i come over your place, shit in your toilet..and not flush it?

Julizt: What seeds were used for seedless grapes?

DannyRapture777: its a nice day out. I think im gonna play some guitar outside.. hopefully my neighbors dont bitch.. last time he threw a spatula NO LIE


p55330: RT @juliaallison: Penguins can projectile poop up to 7 feet.

DrunksTeXT: (734) I don't want to have a conversation with u that started "We need to talk" It's been over...You cheated on me, I banged ur sister. Even.

BrettCoppol: @amanda_nan I HATE moist!!!

PriyaRunchal: I just shoplifted by accident from rite aid. I owe them $7.50 plus my dignity. half a minute ago from TwitterBerry

dressedinlove: @Fennerz yo benjumin. dont u have to have overies and a womb to be pregnant? maybe im wrong.... u craving anything unusual?

acidicice: Not my day. Just came across my old positive pregnancy test while looking for antacids.

Dick Cheney is America's Herpes

During the 8 years of the Bush administration I think I saw Dick Cheney like 4 times. The first time was for the inauguration, twice he was featured in the hospital recovering from from some sort of illness, and once he was making a statement regarding the fact that he shot somebody while hunting. Dick Cheney, you had your time, it is time for you to disappear. If you wanted the limelight, you should have said something while you were actually an elected official. Instead of using Bush as a puppet for your policies, why didn't you just run for office yourself? So why is Dick Cheney comparable to one of the most common STD's? He's hard to control and decides to appear at only the most opportune times. Don't fall for the cover-up America, this guy represents a lifetime of regrets.